2017
10:00
Takashi Ikuhara woke abruptly when a wrenching smell of rotten eggs wafted up his nose.
“Oh my God, Coco,” Takashi pinched his nostrils closed as he gently shoved his brown pit bull’s butt away from his face. “What did you eat yesterday?”
Takashi rolled over and patted the head of his grey pit bull, Kobe; but the loving moment ended quickly when the entire room started to stink. Takashi sat up and shoo-ed the two off the bed, which was the signal for all their energy to explode. His mouth tugged into a grin as they danced around before bounding out of the light orange colored room; nearly taking out the moody grey cat, Sho.
“I’m sorry, Sho,” Takashi apologized as he put on his glasses and opened the windows to let the room air out. In return, the cat glared at him with a look that said, ‘I can’t believe you make me live with those animals.’
“You’re just in denial,” Takashi replied to Sho as he unbraided his long black hair. He tugged a brush through the knotty mess before pulling it back into a bun.
As Takashi walked out of his room, he gave Sho an apologetic scratch behind the ear. He made his way down the rose-pink hallway and took a right into the pastel yellow kitchen. Eric had expressed the house had come looking like an Easter egg had exploded inside, but the landlord didn’t want the colors to be changed. Although, if it was up to Takashi, he would’ve begged to paint all the walls in the house white; he thought the colors were hideous. Meanwhile, Coco and Kobe were spinning around in excited circles waiting eagerly to go out, and Takashi wondered how they weren’t dizzy yet. He opened the door and let them loose.
Takashi left the door cracked so the dogs could come back in when they pleased, but it was a crisp October morning and he was cold. As he went back to his room to retrieve a sweater, he was annoyed at how he got cold so easily due to his skinny build. Some of his friends from high school had even called him a ‘bean pole’ to describe his appearance, which he hadn’t taken a liking to. However, high school was long over and Takashi wanted orange juice.
When he walked back into the kitchen, his friend and housemate Eric had beat him to the fridge; sloppily tossing breakfast ingredients on the white tiled counter top.
Takashi had to force a poker face or he would end up laughing at Eric’s morning appearance. Eric’s short brown undercut stuck up in various directions, which somewhat complimented his neon pink pineapple boxers; and he had small earbuds hanging through the large tunnels in his gauged ears. Eric had a hefty build, and Takashi admit to himself that he was a bit jealous because Eric hardly ever got cold and had broad shoulders that evened him out. Takashi also knew that his jealousy over his friend was juvenile and did his best to stifle the feelings.
“Hey. I didn’t even see you come in here,” Takashi said, as he caught a bag of shredded cheese before it toppled off the counter. “Can you get the OJ?”
“Yeah,” Eric handed Takashi the carton and closed the door. “Want some eggs?”
“No thanks,” Takashi said as he got the box of raisin oat cereal off the top the fridge. He saw Eric already had the milk out. “I still don’t get why you like to mix milk into your eggs. It’s weird.”
Eric made a face that was along the lines of offended and trolling, “Says the guy who eats old people cereal.”
Takashi had no rebound to Eric’s comment, so he didn’t bother responding. He poured his cereal and sat down at the tiny table. In the meantime, Kobe pranced into the kitchen with Coco close behind. They were probably ready for their breakfast too. Takashi took one quick bite of his cereal before he went to fill up their bowls. Even Sho had joined everyone for the morning party.
Takashi had met Eric when he transferred to Eric’s high school, Varner Academy, during their sophomore year. At first, he’d thought Eric was annoying, but eventually realized that Eric was a genuine guy who just wanted a friend. After graduating from Varner, the two had drifted apart for a bit because Eric had gotten caught up with university life, while Takashi hated school with a burning passion and refused to continue. However, they reunited in recent years when one of their mutual friends had hosted a reunion party and Takashi realized the space had been good for their friendship.
At the party, Takashi had confessed to Eric that he owned pets, but hadn’t really planned where to keep them when he was on tour with his band Jesori Collective (or Jesco for short). Eric fully supported Takashi’s career in music and offered to care for Coco, Kobe, and Sho. In Eric’s words, “Why not? I have a 9-5 and a house with a yard. They’ll love it!” Takashi couldn’t believe his luck.
“Hey,” Takashi said. “I want to thank you again for taking care of the dogs and the cat.”
“It’s no problem,” Eric replied as he sat down with his plate of scrambled eggs and toast. “Ikuhara, if I couldn’t do it, I wouldn’t have offered. You know me.”
Takashi didn’t respond to Eric and instead stirred his cereal. He knew Eric like a brother, but sometimes wondered how the guy had his life so together; unlike him. He couldn’t help but think that he was no better than the dogs or Sho. He was just another animal that needed to be cared for ever since going on hiatus from Jesco.
“What’s it been now?” Eric said interrupting Takashi’s thoughts. “Almost a month? Gotta say that you’re a really easy housemate; and I’ve lived a fair share of idiots.”
“Yeah,” Takashi said as he sat back in his chair. “It still feels kind of weird that Jesco is still on tour now. Thanks for letting me stay until further notice.”
“Hey, no problem. You even offered to pay rent, I can’t really say no. And you’re more than welcome to play, man,” Eric said between a bite of toast. “I know it’s not the same as on tour, but go for it. You’re actually good now, not like you were back in high school.”
“Shut up,” Takashi said, grinning slightly before finishing off his orange juice and patting Kobe on the head.
Eric began to ramble about a big policy project he needed to go work on, despite it being Saturday. Takashi decided to start on the dishes, because while he wanted to be moral support for Eric, he also never fully understood policy talk. Eric said that he’d be at work most of the day, but Takashi was fine with hanging out at the house alone; he preferred it.
While Eric went to get ready for work, Takashi wandered into the baby-blue living room and fell into the dark red couch. It was weathered and kind of gross looking, but it was super comfy, and the dogs thought so too. Coco hopped up, did some circles to make the spot to her liking and plopped down. Kobe was practically curled up on Takashi’s feet. All three of them were so content, they didn’t move an inch when Eric said goodbye.
12:34
Once Eric had left, Takashi looked at his phone for the second time that morning, aside from checking the time after Coco had farted in his face earlier. Takashi wasn’t surprised he had only one notification. He wasn’t a huge texter and had muted all social media notifications. The text was from his band mate, Solomon Demir, and he knew it probably wasn’t anything serious.
Solomon was the drummer of Jesco. He was an optimistic guy who joined the band after being the best to audition. Takashi clearly remembered his first encounter with Solomon, who had grinned and said that his septum piercing did not prevent him from picking his nose. That was all Solomon needed to say for Takashi to understand Solomon’s light-hearted personality.
Solomon’s text read:
Ikuhara what’s up how’s the low life treating you so far? I like your dogs.
Takashi typed back:
It’s fine I guess. Thanks my dogs like you too.
Solomon typed:
They’ve never even met me!
Takashi replied:
Well then come over. Today.
Solomon replied quickly:
Yeah I’ll stop by later! Just gotta book my plane ticket there and back.
The others say hi by the way.
Takashi sent a poop emoji and then set his phone down. The text conversations he had with Solomon were never long, nor very serious, but he enjoyed them. Although, he couldn’t help but feel a bit bitter that Solomon was talking to him like nothing had happened.
While the Jesco guys and Takashi were still on good terms, they had threatened to kick him out of the band if he didn’t agree to take time off. Takashi was barely holding on each day before he went on hiatus, but he’d felt that way his entire childhood and hadn’t died; he figured he was fine.
Takashi didn’t want to think about his temporary departure from the band anymore. He got up, went to the back door, and let a meowing Sho outside. He closed the door, but wasn’t sure what to do next. He could continue listening to the audio book he was half way through, work on some new music, or be lazy like the dogs and do absolutely nothing.
After mindlessly watching about a dozen YouTube videos, Takashi felt himself dozing off. He set his phone down and closed his eyes. As he turned over on his side, Takashi was thankful he didn’t dream anymore.
18:52
Takashi was startled awake for the second time that day. However, that time it was because Kobe bounced on top of him with too much excitement, while Coco energetically paced back and forth as the front door opened and Eric walked in with grocery bags.
“Kobe, get off,” Takashi said. Kobe moved, but not before licking Takashi’s face, leaving a long trail of drool on his left cheek.
“Hey,” Eric tossed some napkins and a wrapped burrito at Takashi. “I called you to see if you wanted to go to dinner, but you didn’t answer. I got burritos from Oscar’s and went to the Co-op. Did you just sleep all day?”
“Yeah,” Takashi replied as he unwrapped his burrito. He saw no point in lying.
“Have you thought of volunteering anywhere?” Eric asked as he gave Kobe and Coco pieces of tortilla chips.
“I don’t need you lecturing me,” Takashi immediately regretted his response, even though he hated when Eric tried to give him advice. Eric was in a great chapter of his life, and Takashi saw no reason for his friend tell him what to do. If anything, he was insulted.
“Okay, okay, sorry,” Eric grumbled as he switched on the television.
The two ate the rest of their dinner in silence. Takashi knew he was being irrational when he snapped at his friend, but he had too much pride to outwardly admit that Eric was right. To distract himself, Takashi looked over at Coco and Kobe, who were sprawled out on the hardwood floor. He smiled to himself because the two dogs looked like they were in a food coma when they hadn’t even eaten yet.
“I should probably feed those two,” Takashi set his burrito down and went to the kitchen. When he opened the dog food bag, Coco and Kobe trotted in excitedly.
After the two dogs ate, Takashi let them out. He decided to close the door because he didn’t want Sho to go out after dark. Takashi paused. He was trying to think of the last time he saw Sho. He could’ve sworn he saw the cat’s bushy tail from the corner of his eye when he was eating dinner.
“Eric,” Takashi walked to the doorway between the kitchen and the living room. “Did Sho come in with you?”
“What?” Eric looked up. “No, I thought he was already inside when I came home. Hiding under your bed maybe?”
Takashi felt a wave of panic wash over him. He remembered letting the cat out before he’d fallen asleep that afternoon. He couldn’t believe that he’d forgotten about Sho. Takashi knew that Sho was probably fine outside after dark, but even into adult-hood, he was paranoid. He remembered the times where his dad had deliberately locked him out of their apartment over night when he was a kid, and he would never want to repeat that to his family, even the four-legged members.
“I don’t know what to tell you,” Eric sighed. “We could look for him, but there’s a lot of places he could hide; including other people’s yards. It could take all night. Have you seen the one house that has fence signs with the gun threat to trespassers?”
“I’m obviously not going to go into that person’s yard, Eric,” Takashi could feel his heart beating a bit faster than normal. He felt stupid, but he also didn’t want Sho to accidentally get hurt or in a fight with a stray.
Takashi finally decided, “I’m going to go look for him outside.”
“It’s late,” Eric said. “And Sho blends into the dark. It could be hours before we find him.”
“You don’t have to come with me,” Takashi said as he pulled an extra sweater on, let his hair down, and grabbed a flashlight. “But I want to go find him. You don’t have to understand why.”
Eric looked more confused than anything. Takashi didn’t want to waste any more time, so he turned around and began to head to the door before Eric stepped in front of him.
“Move,” Takashi said.
“Takashi,” Eric put his hands up in surrender. “I know you’re an adult and can do what you want, but Sho is a cat. He will manage one night outside.”
“How do you know that?!” Takashi felt himself shout.
“Why the fuck do you care so much about finding an animal?!” Eric’s voice was deeper and louder than Takashi’s naturally.
“Because I know what it feels like to be so unwanted that no one comes looking. Now get the hell out of my way,” Takashi shoved Eric aside as best he could and he stormed out.
20:49
Takashi started his search out strong. He looked under cars, in neighbor’s trash bins, even glanced in some yards. Eventually he stopped looking for Sho and just walked. Too many thoughts were going through his mind too fast, most of them not even related to the cat. It was like the old days when he was a kid wandering around in the dark; appearing to be “walking home”, freezing his ass off, and wallowing in his own negative thoughts.
One of the many things Takashi hated about himself was how emotional he got and sometimes couldn’t control it. He knew Eric accepted him even with his flaws, but he also knew that was way more than even he accepted himself. His self-loathing was one of his worst traits, but he recognized that it was a permanent part of his psyche. All he could do was take the time to calm down and return his thoughts to the present. He realized his concerns hadn’t about his cat at all, and he felt like a complete fool.
22:26
Takashi eventually went back to the house and was grateful he could let himself in. He walked in to find Eric on the couch with Sho, who was perched like a grey loaf on the armrest. The two dogs were peacefully dozing on their dog beds. Eric was staring at the TV, but Takashi could tell his friend wasn’t really watching.
“Where was he?” Takashi asked awkwardly. What else was he supposed to say?
Eric shut off the TV and scooted over on the couch. “Behind the recycle bin playing with a lizard.”
Takashi couldn’t help but crack a smile. Sho was so stupid. Although he knew the awkward air was not because of the cat.
“I’m sorry I lost my temper,” Takashi said finally as he sat down on the couch. “And said what I did about you not knowing how I felt.” Takashi understood Eric had his own troubles at home before Varner.
“Well at least you admit it,” Eric said, not sounding angry at all. “You don’t have to, you know, try to be all emotionless around me. You know that, right?”
“But that’s the thing,” Takashi said as he took off the extra sweater. “My emotions are either zero or at 1,000%. I don’t have a happy middle ground like normal people.”
“Who can say what’s really normal?” Eric said with a shrug as he rested his arm on one of the couch pillows. “I can see not touring is kind of driving you mad, unless I’m wrong. I mean, on the bright side you’re gaining back the weight you lost and you don’t look like a zombie anymore. But it’s also a process, man.”
Takashi swore that Eric should’ve become a therapist instead of physicist. He felt that sometimes Eric shrunk his head better than the professionals. His friend was right, he always had a habit of wanting to be cured within a week, but that wasn’t how it worked.
“No one besides you really understands that I’m not well,” Takashi said finally. “I never will be 100% okay. And when I try to talk about it, people just brush it off like it’s a bad day, or tell me to not think about it.”
Takashi wasn’t sure if he wanted to tell Eric that was why he got sick on his past tour. It wasn’t huge issues; his mind had just fallen into a very dark place. It was exhausting combating his mental demons and eventually he’d just given up. He ran on unhealthy amounts of caffeine and even when he felt okay during shows, he knew the feeling was temporary.
“Well, first off, anyone who says to not think about it is an idiot,” Eric said.
Takashi agreed, but he didn’t say anything.
“Two, the Jesco guys know,” Eric said. “They never shared any details about your mental state in their public statement, and you left on good terms. I think the worst thing I saw were a few posts about you possibly being a tweaker, but anyone who knows you knows that isn’t true. You don’t drink and you quit smoking cigarettes. Just let the morons say what they want.”
By that time, Sho had slunk his way over to Takashi and curled up on Takashi’s lap, happily purring. He really believed pets had a sixth sense to know when people were under the weather.
Takashi looked at Eric and made a face, “People said I was a tweaker?”
Eric shrugged, “It’s the internet.”
“That is one reason why I stopped reading things about myself,” Takashi mumbled as he pet Sho.
01:27
The two had lost track of time, but Takashi assumed it was past 12 a.m. because Coco and Kobe had abandoned them long ago; most likely to go sleep on Takashi’s bed. Eric looked tired, and Takashi’s eyes were beginning to feel heavy. It was a sign that they both probably needed to go to bed as well.
“I’m going to go have a smoke,” Eric said as he stood up.
“Okay, I think I’m going to just get ready for sleep,” Takashi said as he gently set Sho down.
Before getting up, he plucked a stray hair-tie off the coffee table and quickly braided his hair. It only took one night where he’d forgotten to pull his hair back to never forget again. He vividly remembered how one of the dogs had rolled over onto his hair and yanked his head so hard he was amazed he didn’t have a permanent bald spot. Takashi smiled to himself as he recalled the awkward memory.
Eric had already gone outside; and through the window the cigarette smoke could be seen swirling up into the honey glow of the porch light. Takashi didn’t bother to say goodnight because he didn’t want to be tempted and relapse from his self-imposed smoking drought.
After brushing his teeth, Takashi decided to skip changing into night clothes. He fell into bed between Coco and Kobe. He thought it was funny how they always adapted easily to sharing his bed when he returned after months of being away. Although, Eric said they slept there even when he wasn’t home, so if anything, he was invading their personal space.
Takashi was tired of thinking, so he just let his mind go blank and gave Kobe some last pats on the side. Coco had decided to sleep with her rear end facing the end of the bed and not near Takashi’s face, which he was grateful for. Takashi rolled over and gave her some last pets too, but had completely passed out mid-pet.
Moments later, Sho quietly slipped into the room and joined his family on the crowded bed.
I would like to thank Briana Cronin for helping me edit this short story, and everyone who has decided to give it a read.